So you are trying to find that special gift for your wife? Valentine’s Day, anniversary, birthdays, and most any other holidays are stressful shopping times for most men. They know that picking the right gift can give them brownie points for the next year, but they also know that the wrong gift can give them a high heel to the head and a couch to sleep on. That said, I decided that an article on what not to buy might be more effective than anything else. Here are some gifts for your wife that just might get you killed, or on the couch at a minimum:
1. If you are getting anything related to cooking, it had better have a chef attached. Pots, pans, toasters, dishes, microwaves and so on are huge mistakes. You may get that pot upside your head. You might as well attach a note to say, “so you can cook better for me” along with the gift. If you are getting anything related to cooking, make sure it involves someone doing it for her instead.
2. Housewares are likewise huge mistakes. Vacuum cleaners, mops, brushes, and cleaning supplies are a definite no no.
3. A Boob Job - Seriously? Some men that I know have actually done this. Can you imagine buying a boob job for your wife without her knowledge? Most men are not this stupid (I hope) but just in case I included it.
4. Weight loss products - Again you might as well put a big bow on it with a quart of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Nothing says you think your wife is a porker more than a year’s subscription to Weight Watchers. Expect to be beaten if you go here.
5. Tickets to a monster truck show, car show, sporting event, etc with you as her guest - This is so obvious it is not funny but men everywhere still attempt it. If your wife is a true fan, then go for it. Otherwise, do not attempt this silly idea.
6. What is with men and cheap perfume? If you can not afford the good stuff, do not bother. Just because the bottle is pretty and fancy, it does not mean that it will smell good. Nothing is much better than some cheap perfumes.
7. Anything that comes in a size - Gentlemen, let me save you some headaches. Do not ever buy your wife anything that has a size. If you go too small, you are trying to be a smart aleck, and if you go to large…..well you know. Leave the clothes to the professionals…the women themselves.
8. Money is another huge mistake. While most women will not kill you for giving them cash, they will remember it. And not in a good way. Money says only one thing. You gave her no thought whatsoever.
These are just general guidelines and meant to be taken as humorous. While funny, they are unfortunately all gifts that I have known men to give. Avoid the incredible pain and agony of making these same mistakes with your gifts for your wife. I beg of you.
