Having grown up on the water, and spending a great deal of time being pulled behind a boat, I have learned some simple truths about tubing. Tubing is when you are being pulled on a giant inner tube behind a boat much like a person on water skis. The difference being of course is that you are actually at the mercy of the person driving the boat. These tubes are great fun, but they can also be very embarrassing and dangerous if you do not follow some rules. Here are five things you should never do when tubing:
1. Never Wear Shorts Without A Draw String – Unless you are entirely comfortable showing your bare rear end to the entire lake, then shorts with a draw string are absolutely vital. Having experienced first hand the drama of losing my shorts completely in the waters of Lake Norman, I can vouch that it is not a very fun experience except for those that watching. To them it is hilarious, but for you it is just plain embarrassing.
2. Never Challenge Your Boat Driver To Knock You Off – Unless you are being pulled by a boat that can not go faster than ten miles an hour, it is best to not challenge your driver. They can and will fling you all over the lake until you wipe out on your tube in a blaze of glory. It is quite painful when you are going really fast, so it is best to keep those challenges to yourself. Just pretend that he is trying. They probably are anyway.
3. Never Show Off For The Ladies While Swinging Close to the Shoreline – Again, I have tried this and failed miserably. The shoreline I tried to swing towards just happened to be too shallow sending me flying right onto the shore on my face. Tubing has a nasty way of reminding you who is in charge quickly. Keep it in the deep parts of the lake if you want to look cool. Do it from a distance, and that way if you wipe out they can not identify that it was you.
4. Never Tube On A Day You Have A Ball Game – I was a baseball player, and decided to go tubing the morning of the day my championship game was being played. It just so happened I was pitching that night, and my arms were pure rubber. I could barely hit the backstop, much less the catcher’s mitt. Expect your arms to be completely useless for about two days after tubing.
5. Never Drive The Boat When Your Girl Is On The Tube - Absolutely nothing good can come of this situation. If you are driving , everything that happens to them will be your fault. Her sore arms, her sore legs, and her mouthful of water when she wipes out will all be because of the way that you drove the boat. Trust me guys, you should just be the guy on the back of the boat that dives in to save her when she wipes out. It is much more rewarding and a whole lot less dangerous.
