Getting a new parent is not a very fun experience for many stepchildren. Stepdads have their work cut out for them before they even step foot in the door sometimes. Kids are usually in a state of confusion about the stepdad’s role in their lives, and the last thing they want is a replacement. Many stepchildren still want Mom and Dad to be together. So how is a stepdad to cope with this situation?
A new stepdad has to be a strong individual. They have to know that the stepchild is suffering, and that it takes time to build the trust that will be needed. A stepdad must commit right from the start to not give in until they reach that trust level. If they give a half-hearted attempt at gaining trust, they will quickly get frustrated. It takes time. That is the first thing for a stepdad to understand.
Next, a stepdad must know that they are not there to replace anyone. Though it may often seem as though they are taking over, that is not the role a stepdad is supposed to fill. The role of a stepdad is that of a caregiver. They are there to be supportive and to discipline when needed. If they understand that role, then the trust and love will come in time.
To gain the trust of a stepchild, the stepdad should take a firm, but caring stance on all issues. It takes complete support from the mother as well. They have to have a strong discipline game plan in place, and the child has to know what is expected of them at all times. If they do not know what is expected, then they have no hope of ever gaining trust. The child will blame every single misstep on the stepdad, because they are confused about what they should be doing.
To prevent this, the mother should always back up any rules and regulations the step dad has implemented. If they do disagree, it should never be in front of the child. Always have those conversations in private and not in front of the family.
The stepdad can also build trust by keeping their word. For example, if they promise to take the child on a camping trip, then they need to make certain that they keep the promise. Any excuse the child has to distrust the stepfather, they will generally latch onto instinctively.
Being a stepdad is a challenge of epic proportions, but the benefits over time are well worth the challenge. If they hang in there, and keep in mind that it is not personal, then they will gain a wonderful lifelong relationship with the child. That is worth any initial problems they may encounter as a stepdad. Childcare is tough in any situation, and step parenting is no exception.
