Being a parent is hard. The decisions that we make as parents are sure to follow our children throughout their lives, and so we must be careful that we make wise ones. We will make mistakes, and we will most certainly damage our kids at some point or another with those mistakes. That is the nature of human beings, and perfection is not possible in any family. The key to effective parenting is knowing those areas that we can not damage under any circumstances. These areas include their health, their care, and their emotional well being.
Not damaging their health and their care is a fairly easy thing in comparison to not harming their well being. Children are influenced by a whole spectrum of seemingly innocent things that we say and do. It takes very little to say or do something that seems okay, and later find out that it hurt our children in some way. This is why older parents try their best to pass along so many tips to their children. They have seen some of these things, and they want to ensure that their children do not make the same mistakes.
One of the primary things that apply to this situation is trust. Children simply must trust their parents. It is up to us as parents to ensure that this trust remains, and that our kids know we are trustworthy. One of the first things that builds trust in our children is promises. We promise to go to the park, to take a vacation, to go to the fair, and to buy them that candy bar. Sometimes we, as parents that are stressed, make promises that we take rather lightly. Your kids take every promise seriously. This presents a huge problem for a parent.
Sometimes we promise things that we know are not going to happen. Not every parent does this, but a large majority do. This does untold damage to our children, because they learn to not trust what they are told by their parents. If we reserved promises for those things that we are absolutely certain we can deliver, then our kids are sure to believe in us.
The first thing you should do is sit down and explain what a promise is. Then explain the difference between maybe and a promise. When kids understand the difference, they may begin asking for you to promise any number of things. Only promise those things that you are certain of.
Even with this emphasis on promises, and delivering them, we are sure to have some fall through. This is the time when we should go to our children and explain that we do not wish to break a promise, but that we have to. We should also ask for them to forgive us, and make a fairly large deal out of it. A broken promise is a big deal to a child, and if they see that it matters to you as well, they will understand much easier. If you break promises without much ado, then you will see your child begin to do the same thing.
Keeping promises with your kids has far more important implications than many of us realize, and we should put a renewed emphasis on making sure we keep them. If we do, then we will see more responsible young adults, that put value on their word. A handshake has lost it’s value over the last few decades for a reason. We should remember that.
