Being afraid of the dark during childhood is a learned response. Many parents do not realize it, but children do not just magically develop a fear of the dark. If they are afraid, then something either made them that way, or they learned the behavior. The dark is not scary until something makes it that way.
This information is at the very core of helping your child to overcome a fear of the dark. If you are fortunate enough to realize it before they develop that fear, then you can effectively keep them from being afraid in the first place by making it the norm. If the child goes to bed from the start with no lights, then this will be normal to them. Normal is rarely scary in a child’s world.
For example, if you give a child a night light, then you are essentially telling the child that the dark is unacceptable or odd in some way. If you simply turn out the light and have them sleep that way from the start, then the dark seems familiar and comfortable.
If your child is already afraid of the dark, it is important to figure out why. Asking questions can usually lead you to the core of the problem, and then you will know what you are dealing with. If it is the classic “monster under the bed” syndrome, then it is not the dark they are afraid of.
Whatever it is that is causing the child discomfort, it is your job to remove it. Many parents resist this line of thinking because they feel that it will weaken the child. The truth is, the child will have repressed fears that will only worsen if you do not fix the situation and talk it through. These childhood fears have a nasty way of following a child throughout their adult family life if you do not nip them in the bud.
So, how do you go about taking care of these fears?
If the child is afraid of the curtains blowing in the wind, then fix the curtains so they do not blow. If a child is afraid of a stuffed animal, then remove the animal. If the child wants the door open while they are going to sleep, then leave the door open. Whatever the child is afraid of, fix the problem.
Once you have done this, then you need to walk them through the fear. Lie down in the bed with them and talk your way through the problem. Ask them what specifically is scaring them, and show them why it is nothing to be afraid of. Make it funny, and use plenty of love and reassurance. The child has to know that they are safe and secure to overcome a fear of the dark.
Another concern that parents also use as an excuse to not quell these fears is that the child is “just seeking attention” or is otherwise stalling to go to bed. The truth is that if they child is that desperate for attention, there is a good chance you should be giving it to them. Generally a child will not seek inappropriate attention if they are getting enough attention at appropriate times. Always take your child’s fear seriously. If you are wrong and the child grows up with repressed fear, it will hurt them exponentially as they grow older.
