Trying to get trust from your stepchild can be quite challenging, especially in the beginning. As a stepparent you are at a disadvantage in a number of different areas before you even begin. First, the stepchild has already seen that relationships may not last through seeing their parents break up. Second, the child already does not usually trust the parental units because of that break up. Lastly, you as a stepparent are coming into their lives as an outsider in their view. Overcoming these trust issues with your stepchild can be tough, but it is possible to do.
The first step to building trust with your stepchild is to give them the space to embrace you. Not every stepchild will be ready to just welcome you into their family right off the bat. That should not be expected of a child that has known Mom and Dad as their family unit for their entire lives. Give them space and time to grow into you as a stepparent. Usually, a stepchild will slowly embrace you if you are respectful of their right to be wary of you.
Understand that the stepparent/stepchild dynamic is brand new to them, and awkward. Stepchildren as well as stepparents often do not know what applies to one another in the arena of day to day life. Should a stepparent discipline a stepchild? These types of questions are learning experiences for both parent and child. Each family will develop their own identity over time. Take the cues provided by your stepchild to see what they are comfortable with. They will usually lead you to the roles they expect at first.
Be consistent in your behavior towards the step child. Trusting you is difficult if you act differently from day to day. Always be kind to them, regardless of their behavior towards you. Eventually, the stepchild will give in to kindness in most cases. Breaking down in frustration with a stepchild will set you back a long ways in the areas of trust. Do not give in to their posturing because it is simply their way of testing your dependability. Love them and always be kind. Even if you must punish the child, do it with respect and never with anger.
Find a special activity that the two of you can exclusively share. If you can find something that the two of you do together alone, it can go a long ways towards building trust. Allow them to pick that activity, and really take the time to embrace their ideas and talents. You would be surprised how much just listening to their ideas and feelings can build trust between stepparent and stepchild.
Make yourself available but not so available that you are pushy. Some stepchildren simply want no part of a new stepparent at first. If that is the case with your stepchild, then let them know that you are available by opening the door now and again to talk. If they do not respond, then step away and come back again another day. Do not push yourself on them as people need space to grow into one another.
Stepparents and stepchildren gain trust mostly from good, old fashioned time. Getting to know one another, and spending time together is the single best way to build that trust. Just remember that a relationship that important is not going to be built overnight. It is natural for a stepchild to not like you very much, and let that be okay.
