For anyone that has an alcoholic spouse, you surely know the list of offences and abuse your spouse has put you through. You’ve been called the source of the alcoholic’s trouble, become their punching bag, and you may feel like you’ve lost all control over your alcoholic spouse. However, this can be an empowering situation. You should come to realize that by trying to control your spouse’s behavior, you really haven’t helped at all. In fact, the key to being able to handle their habits is to completely let them take control of their own life, their habits and their behavior.

Attempt to avoid confrontation with your spouse while he/she is inebriated. There is no use in screaming, yelling, complaining, fighting or hitting your spouse while they are in this state. They don’t have control over their own body, and this can put you in harm’s way.

A step you will have to take in order to help your alcoholic spouse recover is to stop providing for their alcoholism. In many cases, the non-alcoholic becomes a delivery person. Do not head to the local liquor store when they request you to buy them alcohol. Do not drive the alcoholic to the liquor store to buy them any alcohol themselves. If they want to go to the bar don’t drive them there, and do not pick them up when they have no ride to get back home.

You will also want to stop covering an alcoholic’s problems with lies. When family members and friends ask you how the alcoholic has been, tell them the truth. Don’t provide excuses for their drinking behavior to friends and family. Do not call their work place for them requesting a sick day. This problem is not your problem, so it needs to be put into the hands of the alcoholic his/herself.

Realizing that you are in control of your own life is important for the spouse of an alcoholic. Stop wallowing in a pool of pity and tears as that will never help you get out of this situation. You need to start seeing your life as a separate entity to the alcoholic’s. Their problem, alcoholism, does not have to be your life. When they start drinking, separate yourself. Take your family and children away from the alcoholic, and if they want you back, the alcoholic may realize that something in them has to change. Do not allow them to abuse you in their drunken stupor.

Getting help for yourself may seem silly as you aren’t the one with an alcohol problem; however, it is an essential step in knowing what you can do to better position yourself to take care of what problems you have with the alcoholic. Al-Anon meetings take place all over the country and are anonymous gatherings where families and friends of alcoholics speak and give advice on how to deal with an alcoholic. Using the information from these meetings you can be better prepared to deal with your alcoholic spouse.

Remember, the problem of an alcoholic remains within the alcoholic themselves. It doesn’t have to be your problem, and it shouldn’t be. An alcoholic may have to hit rock bottom before they realize how much they have hurt their spouse and family, but it is necessary for you to let them realize this by separating yourself. Don’t allow their problem to turn into abuse towards you.

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