You’d think that the imminent birth of a new baby is always an occasion for happiness and mirth, but it’s not the case for all members of the family, especially the very important ones who are less than three feet tall. Your first concern as you prepare to receive a newborn into your household should be for your firstborn; care should be taken to see that sibling rivalry does not gain a head start feven before your bundle of joy makes his/her arrival into this world. The onus of creating a convivial environment for both the children rests with the parents, a responsibility that varies with the age and maturity of the older child. Here are a few tips to help your son or daughter welcome his/her sibling with open arms and heart:
- Even before your baby is born, tell your older child about the arrival of a new person into your family.
- Mom can get junior involved by making him/her feel her growing belly and the moving child within.
- Showing your child pictures and home videos of him/her as a baby helps.
- Get your older one involved in the baby’s naming decision.
- Read stories to him/her about babies and the joy they bring to families.
- Be prepared to answer awkward questions about breastfeeding as honestly as you can.
- No matter how much you explain his/her sibling to your child, it will still come as a shock to him/her to see you nursing and cuddling your newborn. Include your older child in the hug, show him/her his sister or brother, and make the occasion a close family affair. Make your child understand in ways simple to him that he/she is and always will be important in your life and that nothing has changed just because a new baby has arrived.
- Dad can play a bigger role as the caregiver for the older child since mom will be busy with the newborn for a while. But mom should make the effort to make some special time for her firstborn, either before or after school, or during bedtime.
- Once the baby is a few months old, get your older one involved in his/her sibling’s care. The work may be uncomplicated like fetching a diaper or powdering the baby, but any small task gives him/her a sense of belonging.
- Even if you’re really busy, never tell your firstborn that you do not have time for him/her. The slightest feeling of neglect can give rise to feelings of deep hurt and resentment.
- As much as possible, do not alter your older child’s routine once you bring the newborn home.
- Praise or reward him/her even for small gestures of kindness and caring towards his/her sibling.
- Don’t punish your older child if she/her gives vent to feelings of resentment by misbehaving. Try and get him/her to understand that the newborn does not replace him/her in the family. Small white lies do not do any lasting harm when trying to get your child to accept a sibling, depending on his/her age and level of maturity.
- Talk to the baby about the achievements (no matter how insignificant) of his/her older sibling. This gives your child a sense of pride.
- Make time to cuddle and pet your older child, even though he/she may have outgrown the stage. You don’t want them feeling left out when you cuddle the baby.
- Make sure visiting relatives and friends pay attention to your older one first before carrying and cooing over the newborn.
- Be prepared to deal with sullen and withdrawn older kids when junior arrives. Getting close relatives and friends whom your firstborn loves to help out is a good idea. They could get him/her involved in other activities while you adjust to life at home with a newborn.
- Tell your child that his/her baby brother or sister adores and looks up to him/her.
- Once your new baby starts crawling or walking, the older one is going to resent having to share his/her stuff with the baby. While this is an awkward situation where both children could get on your nerves, your best bet would be to try and keep the peace and get the children involved in separate activities, preferably something outside the home for the older one.
An older child is bound to feel jealous and insecure when a new baby comes. Parents must play an active role in allaying their fears and making sure these feelings do not grow into permanent resentment as your children grow.
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This guest post is written by Heather Johnson, who frequently writes on the subject of grants for nursing college degree. She welcomes your comments and freelance writing inquiries at: heatherjohnson2323 at gmail dot com.
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