There are still some societies today, as well as religions, that follow the tradition of arranged marriages. In some communities, arranged marriages are the norm, and future husbands and wives are matched up from childhood. Some people view arranged marriages as backward and wholly unnecessary, especially in this age where women are treated, or at least fighting to be, equal with men. But is there something about arranged marriages that are better than love marriages? What are the advantages and disadvantages of arranged and love marriages? I hope that by going through this article you would be able to answer these questions and other issues related to marriages.
Arranged marriages happen in different ways for different societies and culture. Some families arrange the marriage the moment the children are born. Others wait until the woman is old enough to bear children, which is usually around 13 to 14 years old. Others do it to consolidate political or financial power. Whatever the reason, nearly all of the arranged marriages are planned by the parents. The children, that are supposed to get married, have no opinion on the matter, often meeting his or her future spouse just before the wedding or even at the wedding day itself. The precise lack of choice is the downside of arranged marriages. Couples have no choice but to marry whomever they are told. It is like being forced to be with someone you barely know, let alone love, for the rest of your life. Some people that are in arranged marriages cannot truly say that they love their spouse, but others fall in love after the marriage. The main argument for arranged marriages is that they offer security and stability. The parents will only choose a partner that is best for their child, and they know that their child will be safe with his or her spouse. It prevents marriages that are based on pure impulses. It is a marriage that may not be about love but about what is best for the couple’s future. Often, in love marriages, the couple is too blinded by love to see the faults of one another and their incompatibility. In arranged marriages it is the parents that decide and they offer an unbiased opinion on the character of the couple. They know what will be good or bad for their child.
On the other hand, love marriages happen when it is the couple who decides who they marry. The marriage happens after the couple get to know each other. They base their decision to marry not on their parent’s opinion of their future spouse but their own opinion of their future mate. Proponents of love marriages argue that in love marriages the contracting parties have free will and whatever the outcome of the marriage will be; the parties can only blame themselves for choosing the right or wrong mate. Others argue against love marriages as it is superficial. The future spouses are forced to act and look their best before the marriage. It is only after the marriage that each gets to see the real character of his/her mate.
In the end, the success of a marriage is based not on who chose who your partner will be, but on the level of commitment and respect that you are willing to show the other person. Marriages, arranged or not, fall apart because of the failure of one or both to stay true to their commitment to be faithful, loyal and caring to each other till death. In the end, only the contracting parties themselves can determine if they will choose arranged or love marriages.
I think that people should fall in love with who ever they want. If parents choose who thier children get to married then then the children will hate their parents.
Comment by Peter Jordan — March 25, 2009 @ 12:31 pm