Divorce is one of the most trying things that we can ever face in our lifetimes. It is a time when you often will experience the entire rainbow of emotions, and experience them in close proximity with one another. Anger, sadness, self righteousness, pride, and most common of all, guilt are usually present when we get divorced from our spouse. Of all those emotions, the hardest one to overcome seems to be guilt. How can you get past that gnawing feeling that you let your partner, yourself, or your God down?
Overcoming guilt begins with understanding just who you feel guilty to. A large number of people feel guilty toward their spouse. Sometimes that is because they know the things they did wrong such as adultery, or dishonest acts in the relationship. Sometimes they just have a nondescript feeling of guilt towards their spouse that they can not put their finger on.
Other people feel guilt toward themselves. This can be because they realize they did not do all they could to stay together, or because they were the one that fell out of love in the relationship. They feel as though they let themselves down.
Still others feel a deep sense of guilt toward God. Christians do not believe in divorce as a rule, and it is hard to accept that you broke a vow to God as well as your spouse. Certainly some relationships are the exception, even for a Christian.
Once you have identified who you feel guilty to, then you can begin to overcome that guilt.
If you feel guilty to your spouse, then maybe you could talk it out with them. Apologizing can go a very long ways towards absolving that guilt. Even if the apology is not accepted, it is important to offer it.
If you feel guilty to yourself, then you need to spend time with your soul. Sit down and think it over in a quiet, private place. Find out what you did that is causing those guilty feelings and expose it. Once it is in the open, it becomes easier for you to forgive yourself. If you know what it is, then you need to apologize to yourself as well. Forgiveness is the cornerstone to a happy life, and overcoming guilt after divorce depends on heavy doses of this principle.
If you felt guilty to your God, then you need to pray. You need to get on your knees and ask forgiveness or direction. If you made mistakes, and we all do, then you need to confess these mistakes to your God. Ask him to strengthen your religion and teach you about what you need to do. The Lord is quick to forgive, as this is His intention for our lives with each other. What makes you think He would not give that to you as well?
Divorce is an ugly thing, and you should never have to suffer through it alone. Spend time with friends and family, and talk it over if they have a sympathetic ear. Talk with others that have gone through divorce as well, and ask if they too experienced guilt. I assure you they have. Just knowing that you are not alone is often enough to start the healing process.
