Not having a Father in your life is not an easy thing for a child. Having them be away most of your life and then having them return when you are an adult is even tougher. Trying to get to know an estranged Father that returns is something that is far from easy, but wholly worthwhile in some situations. People change and we are blessed that we sometimes get second chances to have someone in our lives. Still, we must be careful in this situation as well. Here are some tips for dealing with an estranged Father that returns later in life.
The first thing you need to consider is whether you want them back in your life. Not every Father is worthy of having a place in your life. When a Father is abusive, and other similar situations, it is really a personal decision as to whether you want them back in your life. Only you can make that decision, and nobody should make it for you. Step one is to determine the answer to that question.
Assuming that your answer is yes to that question, you should start out really slow. You are in many ways meeting up with a stranger that you have no idea about. They could be dangerous, or could in some way be a threat to you for all you know. Given this, you should always speak over the phone, or have someone with you at first when you are getting to know them again. While this may seem impersonal, it is an unfortunate byproduct of their actions in the past. You have to keep yourself safe.
Another important factor is the grandkids. If you have children, then they should not be brought into the picture at first. The estranged Father should prove himself first before being allowed to involve the kids in his reunion. The reason for this is not to be cruel, but to protect your kids from the potential pain of abandonment that children feel when family leaves their lives. Having gone through this yourself, you surely can understand that.
If an estranged Father is wanting another chance, and you are willing to give it to them, it is important that you make these rules clear and why. If they are genuine about wanting to turn over a new leaf, they will understand this. If they do not, then you may want to reconsider allowing them back into your life and the relationship. Selfishness is what leads to Fathers going away many times, and this would be an indication that nothing has really changed.
Finally, once you do start to spend time with your estranged Father, allow it to be with forgiveness. If they are genuinely trying to turn over a new leaf, constantly rehashing their mistakes will get you both nowhere fast. Talk it over once, and then let it go. If you can not let it go, then you should wait until you can. Otherwise you will find yourself banging your head against the wall. An open heart and fresh start are the only ways to getting this situation resolved.
